social spark Aisling Beatha: What Battles Are You Fighting?

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Thursday, September 07, 2017

What Battles Are You Fighting?

TODAY'S NUDGE: What is something you struggle with? What battles are you fighting that most people know nothing about? What's something about you or your life that makes you feel weird, or different, or isolated?

One of my fellow Effy Bloggers wrote more or less what I would have written if I had taken this topic down the route that came most naturally.  I won't say that every single thing she said applies to me, but so much of it that you should just go read what Gin wrote on What Makes Me Feel Different or Isolated and I will write about something else.

Let me tell you about my battle with my body which leads to a battle with my mind.  I've been overweight most of my life.

There was a period of time in my teens when I managed to get on top of that and got down to a healthier weight.  But that all stopped when I got pregnant aged 19.
There have been ups and downs, each time putting a little more back on than I lost the time before.  I had done Weight Watchers classes, Slimming World via a friends books, slimming world online, and also free sites such as Spark People.  I even tried taking the fat binder tablets prescribed by our family doctor.


I have Sleep Apnoea.  That is very obviously weight related, and the day I picked my machine up I was determined that this was going to be the start of getting things under control and that one day I would walk in there and hand my machine back because I had lost enough weight.  Wellllllll, I'm now on my second CPAP machine because my last one wore out.

I have been desperate to get over sleep apnoea, to no longer have to wear this machine every night in order to keep breathing, but there's this voice in my head that says "you got yourself into this mess, didn't you? No one else ate all that food that put this weight on you." and here's the kicker "You don't deserve to be healed of Sleep Apnoea, you don't deserve to hand that machine back, you're stuck with it forever."

Well guess what?  That voice can go jump off a cliff.  I am DOING THIS THING!

Back in July I went to my CPAP clinic appointment where I was terrified there was going to be this whole conversation about forcing me into weight loss surgery, because that was what they had threatened at my previous appointment if I didn't get on top of it by this appointment.  But on the day it didn't even get mentioned.  I realised I had been given a second chance to do this without that intervention and I came home and joined Weight Watchers Online that evening!

That was 6 weeks ago, and I am over 20 pounds down already.  I know the weekly loss rate will slow down at some point, but I am making the most of it while it lasts and today I am wearing a pair of size 26 (UK sizes) jeans for the first time in YEARS.

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3 comments:

  1. I'm so cheering you on! All the best wishes. You got this!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. So far so good.

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  2. *shaking my pom-poms and cheering* You go girl! You got this!

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