social spark Aisling Beatha: I Want Things - September Blog Along day 2

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Sunday, September 03, 2017

I Want Things - September Blog Along day 2


Day 2 (for me, yes I know it's September 3rd, I was a day late starting) and today I want to use the prompt Effy used yesterday - What do you want?

It's September and what do you want?

It's funny this came up because earlier this year I went on a retreat week and this was one of the questions that someone asked me.  What do you really want?  The theory behind it being God loves you sooo much that he is actually interested in the things you really really want and when I gave my answer the person asking me said "no, what do you really want for you?"

You see, my immediate answers are not about me, they are about my kids.  With everything going on in their lives, I can tell you the things I want for them, off the cuff, I don't even have to stop and think, but if you push me for an answer on what I want for me, I can't really tell you straight away, I have to muse and ponder for a while.  I know that's not unusual for moms of young kids, but my kids are grown and left or leaving, surely I should be finding myself again, and figuring out what it is I want from life by now.  Maybe there's also something of being afraid that what I really want won't be "acceptable", I'm not sure.

So first, let me tell you what I want for my kids, and maybe that will give me some thinking time for  figuring out what I want for me.

I want a permanent cure for Gastroparesis and a permanent cure for Reflux.  I want to see my younger son able to eat normally, without throwing up, without dealing with acid or pain, no having to puree foods.  I want to see him never have to be tube fed (a possibility for GP patients), to be able to plan his future, without having to take these awful conditions into account.  I want his conditions to be held at bay this year so that he can get through his masters degree course with a good final mark.  I want him to find a church home there at university and friends who will understand his conditions and make allowances for that.  I want him to then find a fully funded PHD course for the following year and to get his dream job of working in academia forever.

I want my older son to have a good final year with the ministry he is working with a find a good theatre job that starts just at the right time for when he finishes the current job.  I want him to to find friends who will understand and appreciate who he is, a home that is affordable and pleasant and have a future that meets all his dreams.

sooooo

it's time for me

what do I want?

What do I want for me?

I want to reach a target healthy weight, I want to be able to hand back my CPAP machine because I no longer need it, and to have a "CPAP return" party, yeah, that would be cool.  I wonder if anyone has ever made a CPAP mask cake.  See, this current weight loss journey is not about looking different, or wearing different clothes, it is plain and simple, all about my health, about less aches and pains, and no more weight related conditions.

I want to find a new home that is much closer to hubby's workplace and have a good move.

Finally I really would like a place in the year long online art class Lifebook for next year.  I'm entering the daily giveaways and hoping that I win one of them because otherwise I am not sure we can afford it.

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